As I go about my days, there are certain things I realize that I miss…and yes, obviously, my legs are one (or two) of those things.
In no particular order:

-I miss being able to hover over the toilet in public bathrooms in order to pee. Yes, it sounds silly, but having to sit down on a public toilet is just all kinds of wrong and it’s inconvenient. Of course, toilet paper or a liner is always put over the toilet before I transfer myself from my wheelchair over to my toilet, but it’s still gross. Luckily, I haven’t been in to a public bathroom that I’ve had to “walk away” from for being utterly disgusting. Gone are the days of a quick trip to the bathroom to hover pee, all while trying to touch as few surfaces as possible.
-I’m jealous of amputees who still have at least one good leg. They can hop around, walking on prosthetics is easier, and they can use their full residual limb to mirror the skin of their prosthesis, for cosmesis purposes. And funny enough, when I asked one of the other patients at A Step Ahead, who is an above the knee amputee but still has one good leg, if it was wrong for me to be jealous of those that still have one good leg. She said no. She said she’s jealous of those that are below the knee amputees. I guess someone’s always got it “easier”. But then again, someone’s always worse off too.
-I miss 90%-95% of my wardrobe. Since the accident, my choice of clothing is based on ease, comfort, and length, when it comes to bottoms. Clothes/outfits that looked good before don’t necessarily anymore. Reason? Apparently, certain outfits don’t look as good when you’re constantly in a seated position. Beyond annoying. My wardrobe has been limited to: clothes I wear to practice walking in (yoga shorts and tanks/tees), bottoms that I’m able to pull on and off, from my wheelchair, with a certain amount of ease (for when I need to go to the bathroom), bottoms that aren’t too short (so as not to make people feel uncomfortable) but also not too long…
Basically, I rotate about the same 10 – 20 items of my wardrobe. Yes, I realize this is vane and silly but just because I lost my legs and am stuck in this wheelchair doesn’t mean I don’t want to wear the items in my closet. It’s part of getting back to “normal”. And when I can’t wear my own clothing, it sucks…
I also don’t really wear any of my accessories (bracelets, rings, watches, etc.) anymore. As I stated before, certain things don’t look so good when you’re always in a seated position. But also, rings, bracelets, and watches, will all bang against my wheelchair. Every time I need to move, I’ll bang those accessories against the wheelchair.
-And shoes. I’ll never really “try on” a pair of shoes again. Yes, this might seem like a “Duh?!?” comment to all of you but let me explain. About a month ago, I ordered a new pair of custom Nikes that I designed. My prosthetist had said that a brand new pair of sneakers would be better to learn to walk on that the sneakers I had given him. When the new sneakers arrived a couple of weeks ago, I opened up the box, took out the sneakers, but wasn’t able to put them on and walk around the apartment in them. Very anticlimactic. I had my mom put them on just so I could see what they looked like “on”. I’ll never have that feeling of putting on a new pair of shoes and walking around in them indoors after bringing them home. When I brought them into A Step Ahead the next day, they were put onto my prosthetics. Once I put the prosthetics on I could see what the sneakers looked like on me, but it’ll never be same. But, on the other hand, I guess my feet will never hurt again from wearing uncomfortable shoes or from being in them all day long.

My new, custom-designed sneakers. Glow in the dark soles!

-Going out to places with a lot of people can be daunting. An enclosed space with a lot of people that requires one to mingle, so difficult. I can’t just walk around a room holding a drink in one hand and mingling with people. It’s just not possible right now. I have to use both hands to maneuver the wheelchair (one hand means I’m going around in a circle), which means if I do have a drink in my hand, I’m sitting still. I can’t wheel and mingle because if I’m moving about in a room I have to watch the floor to see where I’m going and not run over people’s feet (at least they still have them to be run over!). I have to watch my leg and make sure people don’t accidentally bump into it (I don’t have full range of motion in my knee yet so it kinda sticks out). Basically, I can’t wheel and talk at the same time, unless someone else is pushing me, but then it’s like I’m making someone be my wheelchair chauffeur. And now, let’s say I have a drink in my hand, have found a spot to “park” and am now chatting with people..my “problems” aren’t over yet. I’ll probably have a few people around me (since people know it’s a hassle for me to go to and fro so they’ll come to me) and I’ll have to look up to talk to all of them, for obvious reasons; I’m down here and they’re up there. It starts to feel very claustrophobic and as if everyone is hovering over me. My solution? I try and find a comfortable spot to sit (out of my wheelchair), get comfy, and if people are mingling and see me, they can sit down and chat with me. Part of me feels like this may seem a little obnoxious, but as with a lot of other things nowadays, it’s the least of the concerns that I have to worry about in my life.
Apologies if this post came off as whiny or full of complaints! It is what it is….
Next time…update on walking, back to work (from home), and cabin fever…