First and foremost, my company is going to cover the overage for my computerized knee that insurance will not. After what seemed like a lifetime, I finally received the news last week. It was definitely a major source of stress (on top of the everyday stresses and frustrations I face). It had been a rough few weeks. My left eye had started twitching last week and literally was twitching all week up until a couple of days ago. So, now that the overage has been approved, logistics still have to be worked out. So close, yet so far. It’s really frustrating. It’s not like we’re waiting to hear back on financing so that we can get a new car or something. I NEED LEGS SO THAT I CAN WALK!!! I need these legs so I can learn how to walk, become independent again, and live a “normal” life. I need these legs so that I can live my life, the life that I was meant to live before the accident. Hopefully, there will be some progress before the the holiday…
Multi-tasking. The extent of my multi-tasking is now limited to: watching TV while on the computer, playing Candy Crush or checking emails on my phone while sitting on the toilet, or using my iPad while I’m laying/stretching out on my massage table. I loved multi-tasking. Queen of multi-tasking. Only doing one thing at a time…pshhh..so inefficient. But nowadays, as long as I’m wheeling myself, I can’t really do anything else. Of course, someone else can wheel/push me so that I can drink a beverage or talk on my phone, but then I feel like I’m being chauffeured around. The accident has changed my life in so many ways, but taking away my independence is up there. It’s #2 to losing my legs, which is obviously #1. I realize that I NEED the help now, but it’s still really difficult for me to come to terms with it. And now that I’m learning and practicing walking, I can barely walk and talk at the same time. Yup. I can’t walk and talk at the same time. I’m so focused and need to concentrate on so many things when I’m walking that it’s really hard to carry a conversation as well. Maybe the next time I go to therapy I’ll try walking and chewing gum and then once I master that then I’ll move onto walking and talking.
Always having to rely on someone else just so I can leave the apartment, also extremely hard to deal with. If it’s not within walking distance, I need to find a ride, and sometimes that means finding a ride to the destination and then finding another back home. And forget about making plans that require traveling. How am I supposed to make plans if I require a ride anywhere? Yes, if it’s with my husband or family, then it’s not really an issue. I’m not going to call up a friend and say, “Hey! I feel like going/doing (insert place or activity), you wouldn’t be interested in going (to said place) or doing (said activity) would you?..since I’ll need you to be my ride as well.” And at the risk of coming off as a whiner or complainer…I pretty much just leave my apartment to go to rehab or wait around for people to make plans with me or ask me to go somewhere so that I can escape cabin fever.
And even if it is within walking distance, I still need someone to accompany me on the “trip”. Even a trip to Rite Aid, which is only 2 blocks away, isn’t easy. The walk over to Rite Aid alone means encountering several uneven sidewalk slabs. Now granted, I’m much better at using my wheelchair now but it’s still hard to navigate NYC streets in a wheelchair when I don’t have prosthetics to help ground me and “center” my center of gravity. Although I’m no longer an amateur at wheelchair driving, I’m definitely not a pro at popping wheelies. Then once I arrive at Rite Aid, there’s a whole new set of problems. Something I need could be out of my reach (too high or too low). If I need more than one item or if I can’t carry it on my lap, then I’ll need assistance, because I can’t carry a basket or push a shopping cart and wheel myself around the store. And of course, if I can’t carry the items while I’m in the store, I certainly won’t be able to lug them back home. There’s a ton of other obstacles that I could encounter during an outing: what if they don’t have an automatic door, what if their ramp is too steep, what if they don’t have a ramp, what if there isn’t a proper curb ramp at the sidewalk, etc. So, basically, I can’t even run a simple errand by myself.
I know I’m not fully independent, but I can definitely do more on my own now then I could when I first came home from the hospital. I no longer need someone to be home with me 24/7. I no longer NEED, but it’s nice to have company when I’m stuck at home all day. I can shower on my own. I can dress myself. I can do the dishes (to a certain extent). I can pick things up off the floor with a bit more ease now than I could before. I can manage when I’m in the confines of my own home. Independent, but only when at home.
Next up…bringing the prosthetics home with me. I’ll still be in the wheelchair most of the time, but I’ll be in the wheelchair with the prosthetics. Until then, I’ll continue to practice walking.
And if anyone has free time and wants to be my ride to and from A Step Ahead…feel free to let me know…Just putting it out there! =)